I Need Some Advice, and other randomness...

Oh, Hi. Today, I have a mishmash of things to talk about. No real "firsts," but just some general things on my mind.

First and foremost. To job search or not to search? I am going to make a list of pros and cons and hopefully one of y'all or a lot of you (if you consider my mom and a couple other readers "a lot") can help me decide what I should do. Now, don't get all gung ho on me about how I shouldn't have been so hasty in deciding to take the job-- you stay on your parent's couch in a one-room ranch style home with two puff wagons, and a psychotic father, then we can talk "hasty decisions." With that said, here we go:

Pros:

1. Rent/Utility-Free living

2. Free Parking (This is only a perk because its NY, its an expectation elsewhere)

3. Work in Walking Distance to Home (across the path, literally).

4. Oh yeah, I guess I live near NYC (Queens is NOT a part of the city--don't let that borough stuff fool you..)

5. I really enjoy my position in Judicial Affairs (I get to investigate A LOT and I love that part of it, although I do not even have the power to suspend anyone)

6. The pay is decent for me to be living rent-free

7. I like my supervisor and other people in the department and see potential for mobility--possibly, but not friendship because I am the youngest, single, only ethnic person

8. I am 5 minutes from the airport

9. People (not NY people, who wants to visit a dorm? -see cons) love to come visit me

10. I mean I'm struggling here... Uhh.. I save money on gas??? Well no, in truth, I have the potential to save a lot of money and get a head start on my student loans

Cons:

1. I live in a dorm

2. I have on-call duties for Residence Life--pretty much can't stand that part

3. I am not allowed to have Barney--he can't even visit

4. Can't really stand this region; I fear for my life daily because of the crime and I generally can't stand the "East Coast" attitude.

5. I have to travel significant distance out onto Long Island to get to anything remotely familiar to me as far as a normal grocery or a Wal-Mart. (Yes I live in the shopping capital, but it doesn't really matter to me because I don't wear or I should say can't fit most of the things they sell and I really don't care about "fashion.")

6. I am a driver by nature; its almost impossible to do that here without paying enough to fund a small child's livelihood in a 3rd world country.

7. I am alone. I know about 2.5 people and since I live in a dorm, its not like I can host people, and because they live in apartments, its not like I can drive over to their house and park in their driveway to visit them.

8. I hate using public transportation--I mean its NYC, you pretty much have limited to no other choices AND I don't even live close to it. I have to walk to a bus stop to even get to a train.

9. I am not in the financial, entertainment, fashion, or computer tech industry so living here is really irrelevant to my career success

10. I'm ready to start my adult life and in this position, living arrangement, and lifestyle, I'm nothing more than a glorified grad student. I might as well be an undergrad-- I live, work, and interact with them the majority of the time and people are a product of their environment, I'm scared I am blending in with them.

11. Professionally, it will look "bad" on my resume to leave after just months of being here (though I disagree, I think anyone NOT in the NYC area would understand why I would want to leave, especially if I were applying in places like the South or Midwest, hint hint).

Ookay. So let me know, via comments, messages, email what you guys think I should do. I need all the opinions I can get and y'all know how I am!

Now with those pros and cons out of the way, some other interesting points about my life lately. I recently saw the movie Precious. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! It made me laugh and cry and I thought the plot was amazing. Interestingly though, I was reading a web site where a viewer was upset that all the characters with a positive impact in the film were of a lighter skin tone than the "antagonists" if you will. I found that interesting considering PRECIOUS was the main protagonist and was the most positive character of all of them. I also challenge that notion because Ms. Rain's assistant was not "light skinned" and neither were the majority of Precious' friends at her alternative school. Additionally, not all the "light-skinned" characters were the same "types" of minorities. I am not arguing or saying that the other viewer is wrong, but I think maybe on the sensitive side--especially because they wrote off the film based on that alone. Anyway, if you did not have the opportunity to see Precious, as it was only released in 18 theaters nationwide so far, please take the opportunity to see it. There is something in it for everyone!

I'm kinda dating someone (I know its a miracle), but I am hesitant to say much here about him, but lets just say he is slowly changing my mind about the "men" of NY. Wow, its hard not to say more, but I don't to blow up anything too soon.

I am looking forward to New Year's in NYC. I guess I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, maybe I will do the Macy's parade because I doubt I am going home for that weekend. Its an expensive flight and I don't get much time off so, still thinking on it right now...

okay. I think that's all I have. I know this blog is kinda long, and random. I just had a hard time putting my fingertips to the keyboard today. Actually writing the pros and cons took a lot out of me. So, don't let me down y'all let me know your thoughts please!! Miss all of you that I know are reading :)

xo,
C.

Halloweeners NYC vs. ATHENS

Ahh, here I am again. Soon, I hope to be writing about my "firsts" in other regions, but for now, another NY experience.

Halloween 2009. I don't even need to discuss, explain, or offer any insight to what this means to my OU people, but on the slight, whimsical chance that I might have someone not familiar reading, Halloween is the biggest and most infamous time of the year. People from miles around, I'm talking book a flight, get a hotel type traveling to get to OU for Halloween. Court Street officially closes to non-foot traffic and the bars open their doors for an extra hour, and who knows how much more money. Well, its actually very similar in NYC.

New York City, sad to say, simply outdoes Athens in the Halloween party mash-up. I hate to say it, but the sheer volume of people and actual organization into a "parade" featuring more than 50 bands kinda took it over the top. The parade in the "East Village," of the Manhattan borrough of course, continues along several blocks. I would even venture to say that the parade is miles (maybe 2, lets be real were talking about an island) long and there are literally THOUSANDS of people. Their costumes range from sexy-anything to full blown pirate ships, to someone walking around as an actual restaurant-serving food from her costume. It really was a sight to see.

The best part about this particular NYC Village Halloween Parade was the Michael Jackson, THRILLER Tribute Dancers. I kid you not, that's really a group. Every couple of blocks, they would crank up Thriller and do the entire zombie dance sequence, with all the Michael Jackson impersonators upfront in the crowd. These people were TRUE fans--especially when it began raining and they kept going. However, the costumes and debauchery did not stop or for that fact, even start there.

Every bus and train I saw had people dressed in costumes riding them. Face paint, ruffles, feathers, leather and lace filled the streets, subways, buses and taxis of NYC, whether they were attached to someone or just the remains of a costume gone wrong. I did love it, but I was NOT inclined to participate. These people were REALLY into it. Usually Halloweeners at OU use the night time to dress scandalously, if they are a man they dress up in drag (a secret fantasy they can let emerge for one night of the year) and its an excuse to drink away the quarter. And, if you're heading to Baker Center, dance your costume off, and that extra 15lbs you've accumulated from that pizza and beer every week for the past 8 weeks. Now New Yorkers, its a whole different kind of party...

Halloween is really the celebration of the dead- All Hallows Eve the day before All Saints Day, I'll leave it to you to learn the history. Many people take it seriously though. Their costumes cost money and time. I'm not talking order it off the internet and go costumes, I am talking hand-crafted, professional make-up and props costumes. Some people have clearly "budgeted" Halloween into their Fiscal year. To each his own right? Did I mention they even show the parade on television? Yeah, its that serious. If you are in the city and not doing SOMETHING for Halloween, its almost the equivalent to being alone on Christmas, or New Years (if you even care).

Halloween 2009, a site to remember. Will I experience it NYC style again? I hope not. But it was good, better than Athens street-walking, but I can't speak for any Halloween "parties." Whoa nelly, another pseudo-positive first. later lovies.

I didn't mean to scare ya!

Okay so to offset my last depressing post (basically a look into my true emotions) I wanted to make a list of things that highlights my everyday idiosyncrasies. This way, in future posts I will not have to interrupt my stories with parenthetical citations about the meaning of something or descriptions if you will :) And you all can get a good LOL. Enjoy!

1. I make the decisions on where to go based on if they have parking-unless of course its in the actual city, Manhattan, during the times I can't park. And by can't park, I mean I am not willing to pay that day.

2. There are times when I can go two, three and on a REALLY bad week, four days without interacting face-to-face with another human being. I mean like conversing, saying more than thank you, you're welcome--and even then I'm the only one saying those words.

3. I have once gone years without crying (I think 2 or 3), but since I've moved here I have cried about once a week, and not just a whimper, but an Oscar award-winning, gut-wrenching, eye-swelling cry. And let me be honest, I've even been so upset that I have had to leave a public place because I could not control myself.

4. I've done more activities, such as seeing movies/theatre performances, restaurant touring, shopping, and concerts in ATHENS, OHIO alone than I have since moving to Queens, but I guess I was there for 6 years..let me reconsider this one..lol

5. I have more frequent flyer miles than EVER before because I'm constantly booking flights to leave and my car service knows me by name when I call.

6. Ive been on 4 or 5 "dates." And with the exception of one person, ALL of them have considered me to be "country" and "nice" yet, they think I am stupid. Booski, its cute how you think I am country just because I could drive at the legal age of 16 and actually had a car. Its also cute how these gutter-living lames think I should be grateful to be living in the dirtiest city in the country. Further, its REALLY cute how these men think I am uppity because I refuse to be 30 years old sharing a 3 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn with 2 couples. Boo, there are almost 3000 miles of the USA to the West of you, get a map and a Broker you idiot! So that's the type of men I am working with here. And one last thing I wish I could scream at them all---> If you're not Jay Z, Johnny Cochran, or any other multi-millionaire, you're not doing it in NY.

7. I just assume that it will take an hour or longer no matter what time of day to get anywhere around the 8 square miles of Queens/BK/Manhattan (I don't even consider going to the Bronx or Staten Island). And 99.9% of the time I am right.

8. I no longer ask for help from ANYBODY. If I can't do it or find it myself, then oh well I guess. I am not about to keep putting myself out there because eventually I will end up in jail for B****-slapping one of these people for their attitude.

9. I can see all the "limited release" new movies, too bad I don't like seeing a movie alone-its creepy and unsafe.

10. In the two years I was in grad school, I probably read 2 entire books. That's all our textbooks, other reading books, articles, COMBINED. In the past three months I have been here, I've read upwards of 15 novels.

11. Because there are NO drive-thrus and I haven't had a double cheeseburger since the summer, I should be thin, but I cook at home and tend to eat my emotions.

12. People always rave about the shopping in NYC whenever I tell them about living here. Too bad they dont think about the fact that I really don't fit any of the clothes so its really irrelevant to me. In fact, its so irrelevant I drive 30 minutes to Long Island-away from the city- to shop at Torrid and Lane Bryant. Ohh yeah, its SOO great...smh.

13. I have interest in volunteering at a women's shelter or dog shelter, but the fact that I don't have hours to waste traveling (I do work in my spare time) and the fact that I could end up in one of them makes me second-guess it every time I consider going.

14. I'm "friends" with a few Sorors locally, but I'm not a club rat, and I am not trying to join their chapter, and they have their own lives, but they are cool so when I am hanging out with them, its like a HUGE event in my life.

15. I refuse to get one of those rolling carts that people (and by people I mean homeless people) use to carry groceries or whatever else because their primary mode of transportation is their two feet, so grocery shopping is a drag when I am carrying 100 bucks worth of groceries from my car, which is nowhere near my dorm.

16. People send me things in the mail like birthday cards, wish you well cards etc, but I don't get them for months because my address is 6 lines long and I am new here so it takes a few weeks for the mail room to recognize that I work AND live here.

17. Everyone with AT&T is pretty much my best friend since I've used about 3500 mobile to mobile minutes this month alone. I catch up with people I haven't heard from in years-literally.

18. I love having people come visit me so I can show them what I am talking about. Y'all know, the fancy NYC stuff and then I quickly bring them back to reality on an hour train ride, 15 minute bus ride and a 10 minute walk back to my dorm room.

19. I am too paranoid and scared to ride the trains with my ipod playing. I am scared someone will either A. steal it or rob me for all I've got, B. I will miss some important announcement, or for that fact my stop C. I will be oblivious to a ticking bomb or something. Basically, fearing for my life is a regular occurrence for me.

20. Overall, all the inconvenient, irrelevant and irritating aspects of living here are really not that bad (yes, you do become a part of your environment if you stay in it long enough). Its the isolation that is the killer.

I'm back, again!

Alright y'all. I promise from this blog on, I am going to try to write more often. Its just that creatively, I am stifled by the 6 walls of my dorm-room-with-a-stove-style apartment. And while I basically ramble on in these posts about my first-time experiences and my general distaste for all those mundane NY things like bus rides, roaches, and trains lately I've just been numb to it all. Walling it up inside, which leads me to me to another first.

I made an appointment to go to the doctor. Thankfully that process in itself wasn't painful because someone I know was nice enough to recommend someone close by, with a parking lot. So, I go to this doctor's office for just a general checkup. I had been having a rough day, it was week 3 (which means there's a drop in the level of hormones I am getting from my birth control), and I probably hadn't talked to a person face to face in 48 hours. I get to the doctor's and I am patiently waiting and she takes me back into her office. I began filling out the forms and it overwhelmed me. The forms asked me to list a few things: Close relative in case of emergency--nobody, significant other--nobody, who to call in case you have a mental breakdown in my office--nobody. Okay, so the last one wasn't really on the forms, but lets call that a foreshadow.

So I filled out the paperwork and I could just feel a lump rising in my throat as I considered the fact that I could die in my apartment and no one would know until I didn't answer my office phone for about a week. That took me over the edge, the tears just started flowing and my chest started heaving. I frantically patted my eyes and cleared my throat so as to look semi-normal or at best "sick" when the doctor came back into the room. Yeah, I wasn't that good at hiding the fact that I was crying when she asked "Are you crying?" And I burst into a full-blown sob. I've never cried in a Doctor's office. Not even when they told me I had a tumor that could be cancerous and proceeded to cut me open and remove a few organs. Still didnt cry. Though it wasnt cancerous, and I hurt something REALLY bad, I never cried actually...but I digress. Anyway.

I immediately apologized and told her that I am not sick, I am just frustrated and alone. Until that moment, I had never really admitted it to anyone. Yes I am an only child and am used to entertaining myself, yes I am known to be somewhat of a loner, only really close to a few people, but here and now I'm just alone, thus lonely. I don't even have my dog, let alone someone I would consider a real friend here. But anyway, I explained the situation (the job, leaving the midwest, not knowing one person when I got here and leaving my life as I knew it) and the Doc was understanding. She's not from NY either. Her advice, in short, was to leave.

The Doc pointed out that while yes, the economy is bad and I've only been here 3 months (103 days to be exact), and I love the job, my happiness and mental stability might be at risk if I stay. She also pointed out that I must not be adjusting very well if I am in her office having a mental break down about a non-medically related issue and I'm otherwise young and healthy. She had more than made her point. However, I am not so sure I am sold on it. I'm not happy that's for sure, but I guess I am not sure that I am UNhappy either. I make good money, I live for free (relatively) I can do and see just about anything I want to. I just don't know if having those amenities with nobody to share them with is worth it. I am over the fact that everyone here treats you like crap for the most part, but it might be better received if I didnt come home to an empty dorm room. I also don't want to be a quitter, but I am giving it effort with seemingly no results.

Now don't misunderstand me. I do have some friends. My gay friend (leave it to me to find the gays) and I are very cool, but I gotta be real I'm never finding any new friends (or a man) when we are trolling the bars on Christopher street. I am not trying to hang out with people in Jamaica, I don't have a bulletproof vest-though its on my Christmas list. I don't have a family here so people with kids and I don't have that much in common. I mean I can hang with a few people in Brooklyn, but commuting over an hour each way,again alone? There are just no happy medium people like myself, that live in Queens or close to me, that are not rude, that have their lives together--bka are in school/graduated, have legit jobs, etc. (prior to this experience, I would never say I'm a "medium," but whatever). I recognize that there is growth in discomfort, however, if growth means I become an inconsiderate biotch because I'm adjusting to the "culture" I'm happy to be stagnate. I'm from a student affairs background. Learning how to meet people is like a CLASS we had to take. I know what to do, however, that's not working here.

I dont know y'all. Is it worth it?

Empire State of Mind!

Well it’s been a while, almost a month I know! I’m sorry I’ve been MIA for such a long time, but really I have just been in a funk and haven’t had much commentary for you all, but I am back in action now with a couple “firsts” and just some general thoughts.

OMG the BEST first experience I have had so far… MARIAH CAREY on the TODAY show. Now ya’ll know I love some Mariah. I will do almost anything to see her (including take a morning off work). So I got up at 5am on Oct. 2nd (I like to think she performed for me because she knew my birthday was coming up soon). I was on the train at 545am. At 6:40 I walked into Rockefeller center and heard the angelic voice of Mimi coming out to do her warm-ups! I rushed into the crowd (yes the crowd was deep at 6:45am although she was not slated to perform until 8:30am on air) and she gave it her everything. Those high notes. Five songs. Best. Morning. Ever. Oh and to top it off, on my way to see Mariah, Jay Z and Alicia Keys were filming Empire State of Mind, the video, in Times Square. Maybe things are looking up around here ;) Moving along to the rest of the weekend…

Finally, I had my first out of state visitor this weekend! My mommy came to see me for my birthday (Oct. 5th- go me! I am 25 now). She came on Saturday morning. It was my first time driving to LaGuardia Airport--airports are horrendous as it is, but this one was actually not that bad since it doesn’t have many companies flying into it. Okay, so she arrived at 8:20am, early, but good because there was not so much traffic. I get to the airport in less than 15 minutes, which in and of itself is a miracle. It is only 5 miles away from my dorm (which in Midwest land 5 miles= 5 minutes, but not here in hell, I mean Queens). Of course, when I got to the airport, I had a few issues.

There are five parking lots at the airport and three terminals, Delta, United Airways, and the Central terminal. Of course, my mom was flying into the central terminal, the hardest one to access. So I park in a short term lot. I walk inside, thinking I am going to get on a walkway or an escalator thingy to get over to the terminal. Wrong. I had to take a bus to get to the terminal. And when I say “bus” I am talking a legit city bus that loops around the airport. Seriously? They could not spring for an inter-terminal tram like every other major airport in life? Oh Right, this airport was built in 1920 like the rest of NY. So, I guess that’s an excuse for it to be dirty and ghetto all the time, but whatever, I digress. So after taking yet another bus trip in my miserable life, I met my mom in the baggage claim of the terminal. Finally, someone who understands me! When she heard about taking the bus back to my car she just laughed and patted me. Thanks, Mom.

Along to another first for the weekend…My mom was here so I was feeling very bold and empowered this weekend because I actually know more about getting around here than someone else (this is not something I am used to here in my new locale). So.. after being disgusted and frustrated and irritated from riding public transportation for hours to go less than a total of 5 miles, my mom said, “Why don’t you just pay to park in the city, you make enough.” I just looked kind of sideways at her and thought about it. And yes, parking in the city is AWFUL and EXPENSIVE when you go during the week and rush hours and etc. But, it was a Sunday so my mom figured we should try it. I was more than apprehensive. My guts were in a roar, but I took my antacid and decided we would try it.

Fifteen minutes later I was pulling into a Valet parking garage on West 40th and dropping 20 bucks for the remainder of the day (we got there around 130pm). And so now I guess I will be going into the city only at night and on Sundays..lol. It was almost too easy. In fact, I am still waiting for something to go wrong with it today (I know there is a risk of traffic, but it’s a risk I will take to avoid an incredibly germ encroached bus and train ride)! Wait, is that another POSITIVE “first” experience? Wow. Even I am taken aback. Once again, thanks Mom.

Well, I guess that’s not all. I had one other positive first experience a few weeks ago—before Mimi and Mommy. I went out with my Sorors to a birthday party. It was actually fun and it was at a lounge in, gasp, Queens. It was called “Hush.” They have a Web site so you can look it up if you don’t believe it was nice and in Queens (I mean if I were the reader of this blog, I would need evidence of its niceness too..lol). It was a really fun time, but unfortunately it happened a while ago so I am struggling to recall the details of it. But know this, I have not been back, I wasted a dress as there were about 7 men there and 3.5 of them had white tennis shoes on in a lounge. That left about 4, which 2 of them were already attached and for the other ones, well we all know the saying about how men are like parking spaces, all the good men are taken except, well you know the rest. But, I did meet some nice Sorors and by meet I mean exchange screams in between the beats bumping over the speakers. A good time, but it’s been overshadowed by my current depression settling in as the winter approaches and I realize I am about to embark on another holiday season alone- yet again. I digress.

There's more I'd like to say, but I am too tired to write more. Plus I need to vent but I am not ready to talk about that yet.. more to come later lovers!

C.

ps. Lady GaGa gives me EVERYTHING I NEED!

First DMV Trip.. I could end the post right here...

Welcome back everybody. I have been slacking this week on my "firsts," but boy do I have a story for y'all! I have been struggling lately trying to decide whether to stay a resident of Ohio, or become -GASP- a QUEENS resident.... Yeah, I guess I'm a New Yorker now...one day though, one day I will be a Manhattanite-the True Yorker ;)

So, I decided I would take what my big boss calls a "Cough Cough" day. That's when you're "sick" from working the weekend or working too many extra hours that week. It just wears your immune system down...lol I only took half the day though because I was feeling like I might be sick Friday afternoon. Ha. I was never more sick than when I left the DMV.

Okay, so I specifically researched the DMV locations closest to me. One was very close, but I don't have a bullet proof vest yet (its on order) so I couldn't go to that one. Then, there is one in Long Island, too far for only half a cough-cough day. I was left with one choice, the one semi-close with parking (thankfully-or so I thought). It takes about 10 minutes to get to the building. Not long to go 2 miles right? I pull in to get my ticket..you have to PAY to park at the DMV....... I know its New York, but really? And the best part of that is, while the DMV takes cash, credit, welfare checks, food stamps and basically every other kind of payment inside, the parking booth takes cash only. That was a sign of how the rest of the visit was going to go.

So I'm super irritated already and I ask if there is an ATM. Of course there is.. in the next building door in a grease shack. Great. Anyway, I got there around 930 and the doors opened at 830. When I walked in, it was filled. Imagine a mega church sanctuary, rows and rows of pews. That was what the front half of the building was designed. The back half, where you actually walk in was about 15 rows of people in line to see TWO tellers. Yes TWO. My blood pressure was steadily on the rise. I gritted my teeth and thanked the Lord for Internet on the Iphone. Little did I know I had two more lines ahead of me, equally as long and equally as tedious! Like a good New Yorker, I had already printed, signed, and prepared my forms so all I had to do was show up.. so I thought.

After an hour and 15 minutes in the first line, I walk up to the teller and she politely examines my forms, initials them and tells me to get in ANOTHER line, moving twice as slow because it is a Photo line, with thrice as many people in it. Meanwhile, there is a group of non-English speakers (probably 15 of them) walking around trying to find an interpreter.. only to cut the line once they found one. I'm sure I was in a prehypertension FIT. To make matters worse, I had been next to the scum of the earth for about 3/4 of the time. And when I say scum, I am being very nice. There were two boys behind me (by boys I mean males in their 20s) who were at the DMV I guess because the bus just happened to stop in front of it. One of them appeared to be a Caucasian and the other an African American male. The entire time they continued to talk about "nigga this, nigga that, nigga nigga nigga" and that was what the white boy was saying. The Black boy responded in turn as if nothing wrong had been said. They talked about various topics, including bitches and hoes, they grabbed at their crotches. It was pretty much the most foul situation. I felt like I was in a boys' locker room at a halfway house. Anyway after another hour and 45 minutes, I get my picture taken. HA! WOO. Can't wait to see if I am smiling it... Then, on to the next line. By the way, the guys were there getting permits..

So at that point, it was time for me to go to church. I got a number and sat in the pews. My feet worshiped the bench. By that time it was about 12:15pm. I was restless. Thankfully I brought a book (all you do is wait in this town, so you come prepared). However, when I attempted to read, the screaming babies started. The non-attentive mothers let them run, scream, cry, hell they could be terrorists but the mothers would not have known because everyone is on their Boost mobile phones. What happened to the glamour of NY? Oh yeah, Im in Queens. Okay. Moving along.

I finally get my number called (about 1pm). Im so excited that I do not even care that I have wasted my entire cough cough day, my numb, swollen feet are hurting or that I have been surrounded by all my pet peeves for the past 3.5 hours. I run to the counter and the woman greets me with a glance and a demand for my paperwork. I oblige her happily, although she could not care less if the world crashed around her, let alone helping me. We get all the way through the process, she asks for the address. Now, my address is not something that can fit in 20 characters. She just puts the first half on the license card and charges my credit card and hands me back a piece of paper. I just stared at her with a blank face. Then I asked, "where is my license?" She pushed the postcard-sized paper back at me and said "they'll mail it." So basically, the license bureau spent around 4.5 hours of my time to give me a 60-dollar piece of paper, that represents a license that I am not going to receive because they could only print half my address on it. Great. I was fuming. I could not even leave because I had to walk over to the greasy spoon next door and use the ATM which was on wheels to pay $6.00 to a parking lot that should be free.

Now I recognize that the DMV is not going to be pleasant ANYWHERE. But nearly 5 hours, an entire cough cough day, 60 dollars for a piece of paper and a license they don't even give you immediately is too much for me. I don't see Diddy or Mariah standing in a DMV like that.. oh yeah because they have drivers and live in Manhattan.. I <3 NY.

Boy don't try to front, I know just what you are....Womanizah!

Well well well. I've been pondering over what to write this week and while nothing major has happened on the "New York Firsts" front that I am trying to stick to on this blog, some things have been happening personally. Yeah, you guessed it. I am going to write about "relationships-and the lack of them" I warned you, you can look away if you want to, but here I go on the NY Dating scene. Or maybe I should say the New York-I see a smart-young-female-withaJOB-and-living-alone-So-I-should-take-advantage-scene.

I have been in NY for about a month and I must say it is teeming with seemingly, let me stress that again seemingly, available men. And, I will add that several of them have not been afraid to speak, hence NYPD. So, recently I've met a few native New Yorkers--not Manhattanites, but New Yorkers (there is a difference). I want to get into specifics, but I can't do that without extreme embarrassment on their part, and while I do not have many readers, you just can't trust these people not to stalk you..LOL. But I will give the necessary details of their horrible traits..

Alright, so one guy I know does not have a car. No big deal really in NYC except that in the areas like Queens, Bronx, etc the subway stops are all located near, dare I say, less than safe neighborhoods (again with the exception of Manhattan. In fact, lets just ignore the fact that Manhattan even exists for this post). So sure they can get around easily on the trains and buses. However, I find it difficult to swallow when someone asks you out to dinner, but tells you to drive. What? I am sure anyone can imagine the look on my face when this guy asked me that. First of all, you're asking me out on a date and basically saying to pick you up instead of making arrangements or ASKING if we can meet or something--and HE KNOWS I am not from here and its impossible to park anywhere. Trifling.

So another person I randomly met (there's a lot of opportunity to meet people randomly when you get lost every minute you try to drive somewhere here) was very nice. Respectful, funny, and attractive would all be words I would use to describe him. Oh yeah and psycho. After our first interaction and several calls later (yeah my ego was gettin' big) I decided we could get together and hang out at my apartment. WRONG! BAD! HORRIBLE IDEA! He comes over and everything is cool, until he asks me if I would mind him moving in with me. LOL. After my initial reaction, and it really was a laugh-out-loud, I told him he didn't know me and that I am not that type of woman. I would have to be engaged to even consider something like that. And that is when he LOL'ed. Trifling**. And this dude is extra trifling for being over the age of 29. Trifling, with a side of Desperation.

These situations are humorous to me, but I do have to admit when more than one person or thing comes into your life that you do not want, you have to ask yourself what about you is attracting that person. I wonder is it?...

-My Southern Drawl (In case you didnt know, now I'm from the South because I am from Ohio-get a map idiots and a speech therapist. I'm from the same area where newcasters from around the world train to speak using CLEVELAND OHIO Dialect!)
-an addendum to this one... people also tend to think I am stupid because of how I speak..often explaining things over and over when I assured them I understand and do not have a hearing problem.

-My thicker-than-average, Fick (fat and thick mixed), body shape--apparently NY men seem to think its interesting because everyone around here is either stick thin, or morbidly overweight, I am a happy medium it seems.

-My braces smile. People are always talking about it, like good teeth are something unheard of in the area (and it seems kinda true, the water is not that great).

-My smiling, head-nodding, generally friendly (yes, here I am considered FRIENDLY..lol) salutations and greetings, even to people I don't know, even when they give me dirty looks or act like they didn't see me or hear me.

And I think that is about all. I mean, no one really knows me or anything else about me so what else can I say? I guess I know how to attract 'em (said with my best Southern accent).

NY dating scene = Trifling**

**1. (adj.) Describing a situation, person, or event that is pathetic.

i.e."Man, you didn't wash yo' a$$ after sleeping with that girl?! You just triflin'!!"

urbandictionary.com definition--not that I would ever use this as a reference, but it seemed fitting for the post :)

Oh when its a Roach, I can't even!!

Another first time experience, another bout with my blood pressure. I have been doing many sit-ins and shadowing a lot of people around my office for the sake of learning the ropes at this fine institution. So, this past week in one of my many sit-down-and-look-pretty sessions that I have perfected, my supervisor was at the end of a presentation and was just asking for questions and comments. I was sitting there grinning with my Coach bag between my legs (yes the metallic one with fringe that everyone covets and my old supervisor Kelly hated) and I look across the seat from me, maybe 2 feet away and I shrieked. Yes, in the presentation, although not many people paid much attention as they were starting to stand and exit. A huge ROACH was staring me in the face. I lost my wits about myself and squeezed my full bladder tightly as I got weak in the knees and gripped a seat for balance (all that COKE at lunch did not help the situation).

Roaches? oh its a no-can-do for me.

My supervisor rusehd over to me and asked "What's wrong?!" I could not speak, only point to a HUGE roach and when I say huge, I am talking H-U-G-E! hmm... okay. Think of a piece of dog poop (i know this is gross, but when I explain you will understand). The poop usually has 3 segments to one complete turd. Okay? Well imagine the size of that with two huge antennae sticking out of it. I was beyond words and to further my exasperation, my supervisor walked over and tapped it with a piece of paper. He claimed it was dead--roaches don't die. They can withstand atomic bombs. If that roach just got a whiff of some garbage juice that sucker would be more alive than a bear in the spring time, looking for a fluffy white rabbit to, well you know the rest. Anyway, I grabbed up my bag, wiped the sweat that beaded over my lip and shook out my clothes. I asked my supervisor if those were normal around here. He responded...lol.. I had to let out a laugh, sorry. But he said, " I am sure you have had roaches everywhere you have lived or been." I sucked my teeth and pursed my lips. I simply responded, that I personally have never had a roach in my lifetime and would bet a Benjamin on it. Now, that is not to say I have not seen roaches in other places (pondegrosa..lol)...and some other people's houses, but never have I ever HAD roaches. I was slightly insulted, but he is from SoCal, so they are used to huge pests as well (I guess).

At that point, I was traumatized. I had to pee, I was sweating, I had just been accused of having roaches, and I had just seen a gigantic one in hibernation. My head was pounding (that's my blood pressure) and my supervisor again asked if I were alright, and soon dismissed me to calm down. But how do you calm down from seeing a huge roach and recognizing yet again this is going to be my life? I digress. Roaches, murders, traffic restrictions...ugh. I'm sticking it out though, I guess.

Allow me to reintroduce myself...

I've gone over and over in my mind on whether to write this or leave this experience to the mercy of my memory. I guess I'm not too trusting of my memory. I also haven't written a blog for some time, and not in this particular fashion in a very long time so naturally my writing is rusty-at best. Its also difficult to try to think lately, as I have spent so much time on auto-pilot (you know when you can walk around and exist to others, but really you're just a shell of your old self). I guess I am diving back in and taking hold of my old writing self and reflect some new things about me too! I want this blog to be reminiscent of my new, New York life-including work, love, and whatever else there is besides those two things. So I am going to try to write and recall as much as I can here and I hope its worth reading.

Now some background info. I moved to Queens, more specifically Jamaica, New York for a job at a prestigious private and religious institution. We will see how that works, but I digress. So, I live on-campus in an apartment (I would never have chosen the location, but when it's free, you smile and take it with poise and grace and be thankful for not paying NY rent). There isn't much here in the way of Queens, seeing as its where real New Yorkers, better known as Manhattanites, think "regular" people live. Sadly, they are right..I'm just sad that I am one of the "regulars" now. It also does not help that every person I know in New York (3 females and by "know" I mean I have familiarity with 2 of 'em) live in Brooklyn--apparently the place to live if you're an educated black person--I didn't get that memo. Anyway...

I want this blog to also serve as a record of my "New York Firsts" as my dear, former New-Yorker, friend has encouraged me to consider. And so now, my first first.I have been in the great borough of Queens for approximately two weeks now. Well 13 days to be exact. I have already had to see a doctor, met one of NYPD's finest-a cop, and survived about 5 mental breakdowns. Only one of those is a first though, and that is my cop.

The tepid details of how I met this cop are not important and I will leave them to your imagination. And so it began, I got off work early one day and he picked me up. Seeing since it was his first time in this area (interesting right?) I showed him the campus and naturally, my apartment. It was a nice time, he was cute, and I was thinking, "Oh THANK GOD, I've befriended a male New Yorker and a cop and a single man all rolled into one!" I was thinking that I had hit the jackpot. The man is nice, respectful and a former army man, y'all know that's bonus points in my book. What could go wrong with this? I was thinking its just a match made in heaven. Then a couple bombs drop.........

After some relatively deep and personal information surfaces, we move into the intense and sometimes melodramatic discussion of the number of partners we have both had (some argue this may not be appropriate, but I argue I have to read the risks before I even THINK about taking a healthy dose of some love-medicine!) So, we discuss what we are looking for and then the numbers question just blew up in my face. I thought I would be bold and just put it out there, thinking I am an adult and so is he... until I hear that number; HIS number..........



80.



Sorry, for that space... I still can't believe it. I had a hard time typing it.. so imagine what I felt like hearing it and then trying to control my facial expression, at which I failed miserably. He looked so calm and confident when he said it too and that made it even more shocking to me. After 5 seconds though, I regrouped and said, "Um, Excuse me? Did you say EIGHT-TEEN or EIGHTY?" Yeah, I asked him that..lol

This fine, he-might-be-touting-a-disease-or-two- young man said "80..I know a lot of people that are in the hundreds." I just smiled politely and tried to keep from panting as my initial attraction to him died a slow death. I quickly turned the subject elsewhere and as fast as I had known it was going to be a great match, I knew it was a great "First" and an even better "Only" experience. So much for NYPD.

If 80 is going to be a standard in this town, I better go on up to the Monastery of this school and pick up my habit, wimple and veil for the sake of 81. Oh the best part is.. he has a kid too. Great.

I <3 NY.